Ask-A-Therapist: Grief Edition

1. How do you deal with grief over a person who’s alive but no longer in your life?

This is called ambiguous loss. There’s no physical death, but there is a real emotional absence. Acknowledge that your grief is valid, set healthy boundaries, and allow yourself to mourn what the relationship was, not what it has become. Rituals like writing a goodbye letter (even if unsent) can help with closure.

2. Does grief ever go away?

Grief doesn’t vanish; it changes shape. Over time, the sharp edges soften, and it becomes a quieter companion rather than a constant wound. You don’t “get over it,” but you can grow around it.

3. Why does loss happen and how do I deal with feeling like I should’ve prevented it?

Loss is an inevitable part of being human. The “I should’ve” thoughts are your brain’s way of trying to regain a sense of control. Gently challenge them by separating facts from guilt. Often, what happened was beyond your control.

4. How long does heartbreak last?

Heartbreak isn’t a race, it’s a process. Studies suggest the intense phase can last weeks to months, but emotional echoes may linger longer. The pace of healing depends on your coping tools, support system, and self-care.

5. Is turning to drinking after loss common? How do I avoid falling into that pattern?

Yes, it’s common (but not necessarily healthy) to seek numbing from the pain. To avoid getting stuck there, find alternative coping strategies that soothe without harm e.g. talking to friends, therapy, journaling, movement, or creative outlets. Seek professional help early if alcohol use is becoming your main comfort.

6. How can we learn to make peace / live with grief?

Acceptance isn’t forgetting, it’s allowing grief to sit at your table without letting it run your life. Create meaning through memory, carry forward what mattered, and give yourself permission to experience joy again.

7. How long does it take to heal from grief. Can you ever heal completely?

There’s no fixed timeline. Many find that they don’t return to their “old self,” but instead grow into a new version of themselves that carries both love and loss. Healing is possible, “complete” just looks different than we imagine.

8. How do you cope with losing a close friend?

Friendship grief is often underestimated but can be as deep as romantic or family loss. Honor the bond you had, express the pain in healthy ways, and, when ready, open yourself to new connections without feeling you’re replacing them.

9. How can you be there for someone dealing with grief? What is the right thing to do or say?

Presence matters more than perfect words. Say things like, “I’m here for you” or “I can’t fix it, but I can sit with you.” Offer practical help e.g. meals, errands, listening ears rather than empty platitudes.

10. Is it okay to be angry at the person you’re grieving?

Yes. Grief can include anger at the person, at circumstances, at the unfairness of it all. Allow yourself to feel it without judgment; anger is just another language of grief.

11. Is it possible to channel grief to something positive, like an opportunity to learn?

Absolutely. While you shouldn’t rush this stage, grief can inspire growth—advocacy, creativity, deepened empathy, or life changes that honor what you’ve lost. Let the lessons come naturally, not as a forced silver lining.

If you are experiencing grief or loss and interested in speaking with a licensed therapist, book your session with Shamiri Health today.

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