What To Do After Someone Cheats

What counts as cheating?

Cheating (or infidelity) is defined as having an emotional or sexual relationship with someone who is not your partner without their knowledge or consent (WebMD, 2020). There are several risk factors and enablers that make infidelity more likely, according to Stritof (2025). For example, people who struggle with addiction, people who observed infidelity as children, and people who have previously cheated are at a higher risk of cheating, and factors like dissatisfaction, abuse, feeling underappreciated, and commitment issues can contribute to rates of infidelity.  

What counts as cheating varies from relationship to relationship. However, despite the variation, when cheating does occur, it is essential that both the person who cheated and the person who was cheated on understand how to handle it in a healthy manner. So, here are some tips for dealing with cheating as healthily as possible.

If You’ve Been Cheated On

1. Avoid making rash decisions: give yourself time to process emotions and consider healing options calmly. Acting impulsively doesn’t give you the chance to weigh and consider your options or the consequences of your actions. Take a deep breath, talk to someone who you trust, and think through what you want to do next.

2. Take care of yourself: engage in self-kindness and activities you enjoy and seek supportive company. This will help you re-center yourself and remember there are other areas of joy and support in your life. Tell some trusted friends about what has happened and allow them to comfort and support you – isolation/secrecy won’t help with your mental state.

3. Do not blame yourself: understand that cheating does not necessarily mean the relationship is without love or worth. While it does reveal underlying issues and is a form of betrayal, it does not mean that the person never loved or valued you, and it does not mean that you aren’t loved or valued.

4. Communicate openly: talk to your partner to understand why the cheating occurred and establish boundaries for moving forward. Whatever you decide to do, make sure you fully understand the situation and make the decision that is best for you and your happiness.

5. Speak with a professional: counseling can help with emotional support and clarity in decision-making. A therapist can provide a clear, unbiased point of view, and help you make the best decisions for your well-being.

If You’ve Cheated

1. End the affair: If you are trying to mend your relationship, cut all contact with the person involved in the infidelity to avoid retraumatizing your partner.  

2. Apologize: make it clear how sorry you are sincerely and repeatedly, demonstrating deep remorse through your words and body language.

3. Listen compassionately: practice active listening and listen to your partner’s pain without defending yourself or offering excuses. Allow them to express what they need to and try to emphasize with them to understand their experience.

4. Be honest: answer your partner’s questions and avoid withholding the truth, even if it is painful for both of you. If they are asking, it means they need the knowledge for their own closure and decision-making.

5. Accept their decision: be patient with the rebuilding process as trust will take time and emotional repair. If your partner decides they want to break it off, respect their decision and let them end things and move on. Whether they cut you off permanently, need a break, or forgive you, you need to accept and respect their decision.

References

WebMD. (2020, December 23). Signs of Cheating. WebMD. https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/signs-cheating  

Stritof, S. (2025, September 26). Why do people in relationships cheat? Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/why-married-people-cheat-2300656

Therapist content (Catherine Njoroge): https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/signs-cheating  

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